If it’s real, we’ll make it through.
We all have different types that we are attracted to and different things that we like in a partner, but there are certain characteristics that are universal and nearly everyone sees as important. Here are 10 characteristics of an ideal partner that almost everyone can agree on:
1. Respectful. Someone who values the importance of our lives, our choices, and our friends and family and treats us with respect is attractive to everyone.
2. Sense of Humor. Nearly everyone values this in a relationship, especially as life throws tough situations at us. Being able to laugh together is a way that we cope with stress and get through things together.
3. Appreciative. No matter who you are, you want to know that you are appreciated in your relationship. No one wants to be taken for granted and we all like when our partner is appreciative and lets us know how much they enjoy being with us.
4. Thoughtful. Having a partner that thinks of us and anticipates our needs is something that we all like. Someone who thinks of what we want and need and doesn’t just consider themselves is something we all look for in an ideal partner.
It’s fine for your partner to have had past relationships that didn’t work out – otherwise you two wouldn’t be together. But if their past relationships ended badly or there’s still bad blood between them and their ex, it can be a warning sign of potential future problems for the two of you. Here are some warning signs from past relationships to be aware of:
· Their ex hates their guts. They don’t need to be best friends with their ex, but if their ex completely hates them, you should wonder why. It could be that their ex is just an angry person, or it could be that your partner did something so hurtful that they just can’t forgive them. Try talking to your partner to find out why their ex is so full of hatred towards them to see if it’s something you should be concerned about.
· The details are sketchy. If you’re not really clear on what happened and there are conflicting stories on why they broke up, you should be wary. If you can’t get a straight answer from your partner about what happened, they might be trying to hide something.
· Talking about their ex makes them really angry. If your partner gets all fired up in a fit of rage every time they mention their ex you should wonder why. Maybe they can’t forgive them, maybe they aren’t over the break up, or maybe their temper is a sign of potential anger issues. Try to talk to you partner to find out why they’re still so angered by their ex.
Relationships are full of give and take situations, and being able to compromise is generally considered to be a good thing. But there are situations that arise where you need to stand your ground and not give in. Here’s when to compromise and when to stand firm:
· If you always get your way. If you’re the one always winning every debate and your partner is always giving in to what you want, it’s time for you to switch roles and start being the one to compromise. Your relationship won’t last much longer if you are never willing to give in.
· If the issue is really important to them. If you’re dealing with something that you know is really important to your partner, it might be worthwhile to compromise and let them have their way.
· If it’s not a big deal. If you’re not hung up either way on the outcome, then pick your battles and let them win. Compromising on little things that don’t really matter to you is easy to do and you can save getting your way for when it’s a bigger deal to you.
Know yourself. Watch for the things that most heavily lift or sink your heart. These are the markers of who you are. Look at your qualities objectively, especially when they are less than appealing, these are just as important as the great things about you are. Don’t work on accepting the person you project to other people.
Be ready to be vulnerable and imperfect. You don’t have to like your imperfections, but you do have to be able to sit with them, acknowledge them and embrace that they are present in you for one reason or another. Dig and find the root of what cultivated them. Work on undoing what needs to be undone; work on being better.
This self-acceptance business is not an excuse to be a terrible person. If being yourself means this, you will deal with the consequences of your actions in due time. Don’t think that because you are “being yourself” you are excused from anything that is derogatory toward or detrimental to someone else.
Know that you are or will be loved for the things you find unlovable. Some things I’ve loved most about people are the things they’ve later said to be most self-conscious of. The ways in which you don’t fit into the mold of a socially-generated-perfect-human are the ways in which you are unique and they are the things about you that the right people will be most enamored by.
Baby steps. Don’t expect anything immediately and be good to yourself for trying. Overhauling your entire life in a day will not end well, go ahead and try if you don’t believe me.
Understand that a large element of this is choice. While I don’t believe you can change who you innately are, I do believe that you can choose to take life from the perspective of your best self. Choose to do that. Choose to keep going even when challenges arise. Choose to forgive yourself for your moments of indiscretion.
Realize you are not the summation of your past. It is part of you, it is your story, and it has helped craft you, but it is not who you innately are. You can always choose differently. You are a beautiful person for admitting that you are only human and you’ve done wrong, but you’re working on it.
Credits: Thought Catalog